Category: Health

Listening in

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We are not just our bodies, but it is important to be aware of what they’re telling us. The more we pay attention to how we feel – in mind, body and spirit – the easier it will be to sense when something is not right. Then we can take steps to bring ourselves back into wellness.

Sometimes conflict arises, though, when we turn to medical professionals who have a one-size-fits-all approach to healing. Too often, that approach involves a prescription for medication as a first step rather than a second or third. Even though we might have doubts about the medication, sometimes we don’t speak up about them.

Dr. Herbert Benson, an authority on mind-body approaches, writes in his book, Timeless Healing, that “…when it comes to the medical profession, we are often intimidated or scared by the subject matter and we disregard our true feelings and reactions, even though brain research tells us that emotions are critically important decision-makers in our minds/bodies.”

Benson believes that physicians underestimate people’s desire and ability to make lifestyle changes, or to try other approaches that don’t involve drugs. He says, “Trust your instincts, and trust the doctor who values your impressions and assessments.” In other words, find the doctor who starts from the premise that you know your body best.

Of course, to know your body best means that you have to pay attention to it. Some of us are very in tune with the nuances of our bodies; others tend to be dissociated. But there are a number of mindfulness practices that help us become more aware.

  • Body scan – this practice involves bringing your attention to each body part, one at a time, starting say, at your left toe, and working your way up. The attention is passive observation only, without judgment.
  • Progressive muscle relaxation – this practice has you tense and tighten parts of your body one at a time, then relax them. It helps bring awareness to the difference in sensation between tension and relaxation.
  • Present moment awareness – by sitting quietly and focusing on the breath, we can often become aware of what kind of body sensations are connected to certain thoughts. If you find your mind drifting to something troubling, you may realize the place in your body that reacts with tension to that thought.

It is estimated that 70%-80% of all healthcare visits are stress-related or stress-induced. It makes sense to use lifestyle change rather than medication to treat many of them. We can start by becoming more alert to the interaction of mind and body, and by treating ourselves with compassion. I sometimes practice a compassion meditation from Frank Jude Boccio (found in Yoga Journal magazine) that includes the line, “May I hold myself with softness and care.” There is something about that statement that always reminds me of my innate value, and the need to treat myself well.

Hippocrates said, “The natural healing force within each one of us is the greatest force in getting well.”  Learning to tune into our bodies and trust in that force would make us all better healthcare consumers and custodians of the awesome gift we have been given.

My Perfect Day

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The warm weather this week has everyone excited. Everywhere I go, people have something to say about it (80 degrees in March!) and a smile on their faces when they talk about it. When I wake up in the morning now, I hear the birds chirping through my open window, indicating another glorious day. I get out of bed with a lightness that is missing in the cold, dark days of winter.

All of that leads me to think about my perfect day. This is a tool that I use with students as a starting point to figuring out their values. If you can make a list of things that constitute a good day for you, it gives you an idea of what is most important to you. What I’ve seen this week is that warm, sunny weather is very valuable to me!

Here are some other things that would make up a perfect (or very good) day:

  • Time spent with friends or family. Whether I reach out to someone, or they make contact with me, it feels good to talk (in person or on the phone) with someone I’ve known a long time. It is a reminder that I have a support system out there.
  • A really yummy meal that isn’t too unhealthy. I love to cook and I love to eat, so this is a significant part of the day. Having healthy food is a bonus because I can feel both satisfied and virtuous about the meal.
  • Some work to do, but not too much. I like the challenge of work and feeling like I make a contribution to something bigger than myself. On the other hand, I like to have choices about how I spend my time.
  • Some physical activity that I enjoy. There’s that good feeling of exhaustion that comes with working my body hard, but not too hard. I don’t need to run a marathon, but I like to get out and move. Running, hiking or yoga all fit the bill.
  • A good book to read. I’ve written before about the important role books have played in my life, along with curiosity and learning. Whether I’m reading novels or non-fiction, I always take something from the books I read.
  • Words of love or encouragement. This could be my kids saying, “I love you, Mom”; a student saying he was helped by my class; a co-worker praising my work; or even a stranger complimenting me on what I’m wearing. Affirmation always brightens my day.
  • Physical contact with someone I love. The skin is the body’s largest organ, and the sense of touch an important way to communicate. Hugs and kisses are a necessity on a perfect day!

When I look at my list of “perfect day” requirements, I see that they correspond very closely to the six dimensions of wellness:  Physical (the exercise and eating); Social (time spent with friends); Emotional (physical contact and words of love); Intellectual (reading); Occupational (working a little bit); and Spiritual (appreciating that warm, sunny day with the birds chirping). Without consciously thinking about it, my desires are reflecting my core values.

Do we know the perfect day when we are living it, or does it exist only in retrospect? Can we wake up every morning with the desire to live it well?

The Indian poet Rabindranath Tagore wrote, “Do not say, ‘It is morning,’ and dismiss it with a name of yesterday. See it for the first time as a newborn child that has no name.”

Finding my balance

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After two long weekends in a row away from home, I am still struggling with a feeling of disequilibrium. Don’t get me wrong – both weekends were a lot of fun, and I don’t regret going away. It’s just that I feel off-balance from having so little time at home in between.

In the language of stress, this is what is called “eustress”. It’s the good kind of stress, the kind that comes with a happy event or something else that is desirable. But it still throws us off balance in a way that is similar to negative events. It knocks us out of our usual routines, and makes demands on our bodies and minds.

For some people, travel might be routine, but for me, not so much. The first thing that goes off-kilter when I travel is exercise. My careful routine of running, yoga, and weight-training two times a week is out the window. If I’m lucky, I get in one run and maybe some quick yoga.

Eating also changes. Sometimes the food choices aren’t so healthy, or the mealtimes are erratic, or there’s too much or too little of something. Fruit is something I don’t eat nearly enough of when I am away from home.

Sleep habits might also suffer. Strange or uncomfortable beds, noisy rooms, and time changes can all cause problems.

Mentally, the demands can be more subtle. If we’re traveling for pleasure, we try to shift to vacation mode, but work might still be on our minds, especially if we think about all the things that aren’t getting done while we’re away. If the trip is business-related, we might feel like we are missing out on family time. So we are not fully present in the place we’re supposed to be.

Then, just when we’re getting used to the place we’re in, it’s time to go home!

Now we’re faced with the work that is undone, the people who need our presence and the myriad details of our lives that need to be dealt with. Sometimes it can take days to catch up. Essentially, we are trying to regain “homeostasis”, our steady state.

David Agus, who has a new book out called The End of Illness, argues that to be healthiest, people need to keep to a regular daily schedule of eating, exercise, sleep and relaxation. Most people might find it difficult to eat meals or exercise at the same time every day as he suggests, but I can see how it might be very helpful during times of stress, whether that stress is eustress (good) or distress (bad).

When I get back from a trip, my sense of focus is poor. I don’t know which task to tackle first. The temptation is to skip exercise or sleep, and to use the time to catch up on all I’ve missed. That’s probably the worst thing that I could do. Getting back to my regular schedule will ultimately make me more productive.

Here’s what I’ve observed during my first days back:

  • Right before I left for my first trip, I started doing a 21-day meditation challenge on the Chopra Center web site. Although I missed a couple of days while I was away, I have been pretty diligent about doing the meditations once or twice a day since then. That has helped to keep me grounded and calm.
  • I’ve gone back to reasonably healthy eating, although I find that I am unusually hungry at odd times of the day. That’s probably the result of not eating on a regular schedule while I was away. But I’m expecting that in a couple more days, I’ll be back on track.
  • The exercise habit is kicking back in. It helps that the weather is warmer this week and I’ll be able to run outside over the weekend. That will also help with sleep and appetite.
  • By tomorrow, I’ll probably be caught up on my work, and I’ll feel good about that.

Am I looking forward to my next trip? Yes, but I’m glad it won’t be for at least a month. While I relish the challenge and stimulation of travel and new experiences, I’m happy now for the comfort and well-being of home and habit.

Happiness is…

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“We tend to seek happiness… when really happiness is a choice” says a piece of art that I’ve seen in a catalog. I try to live that idea, and last year I came across a video on the TED website that sums it up nicely. It is a talk by Srikumar Rao about not waiting to be happy until some event or change of condition happens. Rao believes that we are hard-wired for happiness (think of babies and how often they laugh). He essentially says that we have everything we need to be happy right now.

When we’re kids, we joyfully sing about happiness. “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands…” or as Charlie Brown sings, “…Happiness is anyone and anything at all that’s loved by you.” But when does that unbounded happiness of childhood start eroding, and all of the worry, inferiority and judgment of life take hold? Do we recognize happiness when it is right under our noses?

If you go on the Amazon web site and do a search for self-help books about happiness, 8,894 results come back. Clearly, people are spending a lot of time (and money) figuring out how to be happy.

My students have been working lately with the idea of locus of control. Having an internal locus of control means that you take responsibility for the outcomes of your actions, while an external locus of control suggests that you tend to blame other people or outside events for how things turn out. While it can be tempting, and maybe immediately gratifying, to shift control to luck or outside influences, people are generally healthier and handle stress better when they take responsibility for their own behavior and its outcome.

I think of happiness in a similar fashion. Why blame someone else because you are unhappy? Why wait for the right job or the right house or the right person to be happy? Why not make the decision to be happy right now, in this moment? It doesn’t mean everything will be perfect in your life; you just decide to be happy anyway, without waiting.

How can we recapture some of our hard-wired happiness? In every moment, we have a choice of how to respond. By consciously shifting our responses to gratitude and acceptance, rather than resistance and judgment, we can move one step closer to joy, contentment and happiness.

Robert Green Ingersoll once said, “Happiness is the only good. The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here…”

Share the love – far and wide

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[Updated from the original 2012 post].

“Shower the People” is a James Taylor song that one of my yoga teachers used to play in class. Every time I hear it, I’m moved by its simple message – shower the people you love with love. The song’s refrain is perfect for Valentine’s Day.

“Just shower the people you love with love”

This imagery is so beautiful. Imagine love falling all over you like a warm rain shower, soaking it up, taking in as much as you need.

“Show them the way that you feel”

Sometimes we hide our feelings because we are afraid to put them into words; or forget to express our feelings when we get comfortable in relationships. Don’t be afraid to show how much someone means to you.

“Things are gonna work out fine if you only will”

What is there to lose? Probably not as much as there is to gain. Someone might be wishing to hear from you, so reach out.

“Shower the people you love with love”

JT includes father and mother, sister and brother, here. Love is a big umbrella that covers all those family and friends you care about. Let them hear it from you.Lake Tahoe, Eagle Falls (35)

“Show them the way that you feel”

Some people need to hear the words, “I love you”; others crave the gestures – hugs, kisses, attention. What does your loved one need in order to feel cared for?

“Things are gonna be much better if you only will”

The beautiful thing about love is that it never runs out. The more you give to other people, the more you will get in return. So let’s spread it beyond the people already in our orbits – and shower everyone you meet with love today.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

You look, but do you see?

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Do you ever feel as if you must be invisible? You know the feeling you get when you sit down in a restaurant, and then four different servers walk past you five different times without acknowledging you’re there. Or when you’re walking down the street and you see someone approaching whom you’ve met before – and then they don’t meet your eye and continue walking past you.

Feeling ignored or left out is an awful feeling. Even if we have a strong sense of self, we start to wonder what’s wrong with us. It doesn’t matter if we’re slighted by a friend or snubbed by a total stranger – it still hurts.

Last week I read about a study that demonstrated just how much we look to other people, even strangers, for acceptance. Researchers at Purdue University randomly selected people walking on the campus. A research assistant walked by each of them, and did one of three things: made eye contact, made eye contact and smiled, or just looked in their general direction without eye contact. Each person was then immediately asked by another researcher how connected they felt to other people. Those who did not get any eye contact felt more disconnected from others than did either group who got eye contact.

The reality is that no one wants to feel excluded. We all have a need to be part of a community of some kind. A stranger not making eye contact may only lead to a momentary feeling of disconnection, but what about situations where it happens over and over again with groups we want to be a part of?

It turns out that for children who are left out, that feeling can lead to them being less active. In a study by Jacob Barkley of Kent State University, children played a virtual ball game with each other. Some children got the ball fairly often and others very few times. Then they all went to play in a real gym. The children who had been excluded in the online game ended up being less physically active in the gym. They tended to choose sedentary activities such as drawing or reading alone more of the time.

Previous studies have already shown that being ostracized leads people to eat more. We also know that people who are lonely tend to have weaker immune systems. Now we see that children won’t be as active if they feel excluded. Clearly as humans we are healthiest when we are part of a group, and feel supported and loved by that group.

So why do we ignore each other? Does the message from childhood, “Don’t talk to strangers!” sink in so deeply that we are unable to reach out to others? Are we too afraid of rejection to take a risk?

Flip it around and think about how good it feels when you’re out somewhere, and someone admires what you are wearing. Or imagine that you’re at a social event where you don’t know anyone, and someone comes up and engages you in conversation – don’t you breathe a sigh of relief that you’re no longer standing there looking awkward? Doesn’t it feel good when you walk in a room, and someone greets you by name?

Everyone wants to be noticed, to be appreciated, even by strangers. We all need someone who says, either with words or actions, “I see you.” Can you make an effort to be that person?  As William Butler Yeats once said, “There are no strangers here; only friends you haven’t yet met.”

What do you have to say?

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There are times when writing is a struggle as I search for ideas and the right words to convey them.  Other times, when I have a compelling story I want to tell, the words just flow and the entire process seems so easy. Having a chance to tell our stories can be incredibly cathartic, even if we don’t share them with anyone else.

I thought of this when I read a story by Chris Richards in the Washington Post this week about a program to help veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan write songs. The veterans work with professional songwriters in a workshop setting. They tell their stories, pulling together images and memories of their experiences, and the songwriters create a melody and work it into a song. The veterans find the experience to be very healing, giving them an outlet for expression that is hard to find anywhere else.

About 20 years ago, the writer Maxine Hong Kingston started a similar project in California for Vietnam War veterans (see her book, The Fifth Book of Peace). Theirs was strictly a writing workshop, not music, but the purpose was the same – giving the vets an opportunity to tell their stories, in a safe place, without judgment. Kingston began the process as a way of working out a loss of her own, and together with the veterans, found some peace along the way.

Some people keep diaries throughout their lives. Many of us had them as teenagers – an outlet for our angst, emotional ups and downs, and rants against our parents. But a journal devoted to a specific topic or purpose can be a helpful tool in dealing with stress, whether it’s everyday stress or the more intense stress caused by wartime experiences.

James Pennebaker, a professor at the University of Texas, is a leading researcher and proponent of the idea of “writing to heal”. He believes that expressing our emotions makes us healthier and helps prevent many of the chronic diseases that befall so many people in modern society. For a lot of people, writing is the best (maybe the only) way that they can do that. Dr. Pennebaker has written a book about this process (Writing to Heal: A guided journal for recovering from trauma and emotional upheaval) and conducts workshops (one will be held at the Duke Integrative Medicine Center in March).

Gratitude journals are another, somewhat more indirect, way to help relieve stress. I’ve written before about the research showing that people who regularly remind themselves of what they are grateful for tend to be more satisfied with their lives and to experience less stress. Gratitude journals have also been used with veterans and others who experience Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, with promising results.

Whether or not you have had a traumatic experience, writing can still benefit you. In this age of truncated communications like email, Twitter and Facebook, it can be quite satisfying to sit down and express your thoughts and feelings without anyone cutting you off or limiting your characters. A journal can be a place to try out ideas, explore emotions and practice that difficult conversation you need to have with someone. Often, writing can be as mood-lightening as talking with a close friend. I suspect this is the reason why the memoir has become such a popular genre in recent years. Everyone has a story to tell, and wants to tell it if given an opportunity. But we are not very good at remembering emotions accurately after time has gone by, so it’s important to write down how you feel now. Start telling your story  – your audience can be as wide as the Internet or as small as a little notebook sitting by your bed.

Friends for life

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The ASPCA ads are hard to resist. You know the ones – with video of sad looking dogs and cats waiting for new homes. They are narrated by Sarah McLachlan, or accompanied by Willie Nelson music. They pull at my heartstrings, and make me wonder if it is time to bring home another dog.

Why is it that the plight of animals touches a nerve with so many of us? I went to see the movie “Warhorse” last month, and while the scenes of humans being killed or injured on the World War I battlefields were difficult to watch, it was the abuse of animals during the war that really made me squirm. In a similar way, the local farm animal sanctuary periodically sends out newsletters with stories of some of the animals they rescue. The stories are often horrifying in terms of the neglect and abuse the animals have suffered, but they usually end happily with the animals finding a home for life at the sanctuary.

Animals have been companions to people for thousands of years. Even before we had domesticated dogs and cats, people’s farm animals often slept in the same shelter with them. For many of us, having a companion animal comes naturally. My family’s dog, Alex, was a part of our life for 10 years, and even though he’s been gone for more than two years now, I still miss him.

There’s a large body of research about the benefits that animals can provide for people. The unconditional love that they give us is hugely important given that we are often so critical and judgmental of each other. People who might otherwise be sedentary get more exercise if they have to go out and walk their dogs regularly. Many studies have shown that petting an animal, or even gazing at fish in an aquarium, can lower blood pressure and sometimes heart rate.

Some people even show a decrease in stress hormones when they are interacting with their dogs. But for every stress-reducing benefit of having a pet, there’s also the possibility of stress-inducing effects. Our dog suffered from several chronic conditions in his last few years, and I often experienced a lot of stress related to vets, medication complications, and the cost of care. That’s a big part of what’s holding me back from adopting another dog now.

But we also can learn a lot from animals. Kids who help care for a pet learn responsibility, and how to put the needs of someone else before their own. Alex taught me a lot about how to relax – when he plopped down to sleep, he would often give a deep sigh of contentment, as if to say, “This is the best!” I’d watch him sleep sometimes; he had a peacefulness that I often envied.

Last month, the New York Times ran a piece called, “What We Can Learn from Old Animals” featuring images shot by photographer Isa Leshko. The project of photographing elderly animals was a way to work through her grief after the death of her mother. She said that the experience helped her, “better understand and make peace with aging.” That makes sense to me because when my dog was near the end of his life, he showed incredible patience and forbearance, and I’m grateful for all he taught me.

John Grogan (the author of Marley & Me) has said, “Such short little lives our pets have to spend with us, and they spend most of it waiting for us to come home each day. It is amazing how much love and laughter they bring into our lives and even how much closer we become with each other because of them.”

Phone a friend

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Our stress is getting worse. You’re probably not surprised. Whenever I tell people that I teach stress management to college students, they invariably reply, “Oh, I could really use that.” The latest report on Stress in America, from the American Psychological Association, bears that out: people acknowledge high levels of stress, yet very few believe they are doing a good job of managing it.

It’s also not surprising that the big stressors for most people are money, work and the economy. We are living in a time of great uncertainty and people feel that they lack control over what happens to them. For the most part, people know that there’s a connection between their stress and their health, but often feel too overwhelmed to do anything about it.

A group that is of special concern to the APA researchers is that of caregivers – people who have the primary responsibility of caring for someone who is ill or disabled. Caregivers often feel overwhelmed and isolated, and often report poor health. Caregivers also age faster and die earlier than other people, due in part to cellular changes that are related to chronic stress. The good news is that caregivers who belong to support groups, where they can share their experiences with others, show fewer signs of these cellular changes.

Do people feel that they can’t manage stress because it would require a big life adjustment, like changing jobs, moving to the country, or meditating 24/7? We often hear messages about exercise and healthy eating that tell us small steps are the way to go; any positive change is better than no change at all. But maybe people aren’t used to thinking about stress that way.

Robert Sapolsky, a leading researcher on biology and stress has said, “We are not getting our ulcers being chased by Saber-tooth tigers, we’re inventing our social stressors — and if some baboons are good at dealing with this, we should be able to as well. Insofar as we’re smart enough to have invented this stuff and stupid enough to fall [for] it, we have the potential to be wise enough to keep the stuff in perspective.”

Most of us are pretty good at recognizing stress when we feel it. What truths can we pull out of the new survey and other research to help us in those moments?

Your life doesn’t need a full makeover to make you better at handling stress. Start small.

  • Small step one: Next time you’ve had a bad day and you’re tempted to plop in front of the TV, take a walk first.
  • Small step two: Next time you’re feeling stressed and you find yourself yelling at your kids – call a friend to chat. You don’t even need to tell your friend your problems. Just talking to someone who is non-judgmental will probably make you feel better.
  • Small step three: If you’re feeling wound up, but you don’t have time to exercise, put on your favorite music and dance around the room for five or ten minutes.
  • Small step four:   When feeling stressed at work, don’t take it out on other people – do something nice for one of them instead.
  • Small step five: If you are feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to make a list of all the things in your life that you are grateful for.
  • Small step six: The next time a task seems too big for you, ask for help.
  • Small step seven: If you can’t sleep at night because of worry, distract yourself by thinking of your favorite joke or funny movie. Try to go to sleep with a smile on your face.

If you need a smile or a reminder, watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGbnua2kSa8

 

Open the door for change

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New Year’s resolutions are known more for their grand ambition than their rate of success. Most of the time, we make resolutions to change ourselves: lose weight, get fit, quit smoking, make a career change, learn a language, and so on. But research shows that many people scale back their goals almost immediately, fewer than 50% are still working toward them after 6 months, and fewer than 10% after a year.  I’m not much of a believer in those kinds of odds.

But I’ve been thinking that this year, I might resolve, not to change, but to accept change more gracefully, especially those changes that are thrust upon me. What kinds of changes am I talking about?

  • Changes in the best-laid plans
  • Changes in my neighborhood such as new roads, traffic lights and buildings
  • Changes in my body that come with age
  • Changes in my work life
  • Changes in the people I know and love
  • Changes when a loved moves away, or … moves back

I can choose how I react to the events, big and small, that upset the balance of everyday life. Do I kick and scream, or do I invite them in? Most of the time, these events are out of my control, so why waste valuable energy fighting them?

Soren Gordhamer says this concept of inviting can be applied to challenging situations. He writes, “…we can think, Why are they doing this? …. Or we can look inward, pay attention to our mind and body, and inquire, What creative response wants to arise in this situation?” Inviting “makes more room for clarity and ease of mind”, even in the presence of “strong emotions”.

One of those strong emotions is often fear, because the unknown can be powerfully scary. Dostoyevski said that change is “What people fear most.”  But instead of asking, “Why is this happening [to me],” ask “How can I benefit from this change, or at least make the best of it?” Calling upon past experience, learning everything possible about a new situation,  and having faith in your ability to handle it can ease the transition.

Much like the practice of mindful meditation, this way of approaching change is an ongoing process. When we meditate, we are encouraged not to judge thoughts that arise, but to notice them, and then turn our attention back to the breath. Even if other thoughts come up hundreds of times, we always go back to the breath. In the same way, most of us will never reach the point of accepting change with grace 100% of the time – but that doesn’t mean we stop trying.

So I resolve in 2012, to continue to:

welcome the opportunities that come with change,

look for the silver lining in adversity,

meet challenges with courage and creativity,

allow other people the space to change,

appreciate my ability to learn and adapt,

and be happy just as I am.

Happy new year!